That Time I Panic Bought A $2000 Course

Note: This email was written in August of 2023

So here’s the story. Earlier this spring my 1:1 bookkeeping client roster took an unexpected dip. After having only added to my client roster for a few years, I lost 2 clients within a matter of weeks of each other. A month later, a different client made a change to her business which resulted in us putting her bookkeeping on hold for the time being. A week after that, a 4th client went on maternity leave, effectively shutting down her business for the time being, which obviously means no bookkeeping.

Bottom line: I was suddenly down a good chunk of income each month.

I’d like to say I took the dip in stride and didn’t panic.

Alas, as foreshadowed by the subject line of this email, I did NOT take things in stride and did in fact panic.

I panicked to the tune of $2,000.

I invested in a course that I had been eyeing for a few years but had never pulled the trigger on. I hadn’t pulled the trigger because I was fairly sure that it wasn’t actually a good fit for my needs. It wouldn’t be a good use of my money or my time

And yet. I hit the “buy now” button anyway, this time around. I was panicking about losing the income from those clients. I had vaguely convinced myself that, curriculum aside, the Slack community would be worth the investment alone. There was also the fact that included in the course price was a lifetime subscription to the creators’ course software platform.

That was 4 months ago. And yeah, I haven’t accessed any of the course content or even really participated in the Slack community. And to add insult to injury, I’m not even using the included course software for the courses I’m building, having opted for a different platform.

Insert facepalm here.

Am I annoyed with myself? Yes, absolutely. $2,000 is real money!

AND ALSO.

Most of the time, I’m able to have compassion for myself and let it go. (I say “most of the time” because I’m human and it’s easy for me to fall into a place of beating myself up over stuff like this.)

I comfort myself with the knowledge that:

It’s possible to see a mistake that you’re making, and still not be able to avoid the mistake.

It’s a funny (and very frustrating) place to be, that liminal space where you acknowledge that patterns of behavior aren’t serving you anymore, but you don’t yet have the capacity to NOT engage in those patterns. (Because having the safety and wherewithal to SEE a pattern is a LOT different than having the safety and wherewithal to CHANGE a pattern.) So you just have to give yourself an A for effort and be gentle with yourself when the fallout of those patterns comes.

Every “mistake” is an opportunity to revisit lessons and reflect on how you’d like to do things differently moving forward.

I know. I KNOW. It’s super cheesy and yes, I very much want to roll my eyes at myself. But that doesn’t mean it’s not also true.

I’m fairly confident that, the next time around, I’ll be more discerning about the investments I make in my business. Especially around being honest with myself when asking the question “Is this a panic purchase?”. The longer I’m in business, the better I get at knowing what I actually need, and what is simply me wanting a shiny object.

At the end of the day, it’s only money and sometimes self-soothing and reducing anxiety wins out over prudence.

Yes, in an ideal world, we’d always act in our own long-term best interest. But we don’t live in an ideal world. And sometimes we just need the panic/anxiety/insert-uncomfortable-feeling-here to stop.

And for me, earlier this spring, I just needed that “oh shit, I need to make up that income asap” panic to stop. And the best I could do with the knowledge and resources available to me was to sign up for the course as a way to make the panic stop.

Was it my best moment as a human and a business owner? No. And. It’s only money.

Note: I 100% acknowledge that I can say “it’s only money” because I come from a place of privilege. That $2k doesn’t mean any less food on my table, or me losing my house. If that wasn’t the case we’d be having an entirely different conversation.

So yes, if given the opportunity to do it over again, I’d choose differently. But that’s not the way the world works. And so? Onward, my friends.

P.S. A last thing, in case it helps: As you can see, even people who are (ostensibly) "good with money" make mistakes with their money. So if you've ever made a money decision you'd do differently in the future, know that you aren't alone. I see you and I love you. You're doing great.